Sometimes when we get to a town at 3:00am and there is no power.. I find myself wondering why I gave up a warm cozy bed and hot showers. Then I remember that I don’t live in any boxes, and sometimes there are just sacrifices you have to make. I would rather be cold than stuck in a box.
I really have no words for today.
I am tired of people.
The general population is boring, judgmental, dishonest, walk at a painfully slow pace, spend money on useless shit, and are mind-numbingly stupid. Guess that makes me judgmental, too.
On a lighter note, I made a stupid joke tonight about putting rum in the snow cones then had a clinger for the rest of the show. However he did tell me my dimple was nice, so I quoted Mitch Hedberg… “You should never compliment someone on their dimple, what if they got shot in the face with a BB gun.”
I have been moving around a lot today, getting ready for the new season to start.
I kinda just have my whole life scattered between several different trailers and states right now. I’ll start with the disaster of last season… The show usually splits into two units, one half goes east, the other goes west. I was the only showgirl to go east, so they gave me a pretty sweet camper to live in. When the units merged back together later in the season, I moved into a giant 5th wheel trailer with 3 other girls and the cutest little four year old. Well, we ended up wrecking and lost that trailer. So Tess, our show’s ringmaster, and I moved into the camper, and the other girls moved temporarily into other open living spaces. We finished last season with us showgirls plus Tess living in the pony trailer. This trailer had living space for all of us, a bathroom, and on the opposite side of the bathroom wall is where the ponies lived.
So currently, my things are in four different places.. the pony trailer, the camper, Ruby’s motor home (rode to Las Vegas with her) and the guest room I’m currently staying in at my boss’ house.
I’m trying to consolidate, but then I realize… I don’t really have much to consolidate. Just a lot of clothes. Ok, so maybe I don’t have to bring along my slingshot or bow drill kit.. But that’s stuff I do for fun when I have time to kill! Trying to fit two chicks with normal people clothes into a camper is really easy. We fit just fine. But then you have to add in the costumes, the hair pieces, the ungodly amounts of make up, the rain boots for the outside dates when it rains (which happens allllll the time) giant winter coats (this is why I like summer.. less clothes, more space), food (we have a stove and oven, yeehaw!!) show shoes, bathroom items (“who left a cookie in the shower?!” I hear some really funny things when people can not identify my parents home made soap)… yoga mats, soccer ball, books… I mean.. It is a space that we live in ALL YEAR. Can you imagine living in the back of a truck with a roommate all year? Sounds insane, but I love it. And honestly, Tess is probably the only person I could do it with. We both share a common understanding of each other’s personal space, and our personalities work really well together.
So that’s the chaos of today.. it’s been broken up by the comic relief of the prop guys. It was funny watching them get a ladder out of the top of a tree that the tree supposedly “ate”… Now they’re all welding in the garage (one of them managed to catch himself on fire), singing along to Linkin Park with no care in the world. They make me laugh a lot, and they’re all really sweet dudes.
I have to tell one last story because it was super funny. We got to a town once and I realized the vent on top of the camper had shattered. Just my luck, it started to rain. So I grabbed an emergency blanket I had, went on top of the roof and anchored it down with some beers. The next morning I told Peni to tell me before he moved the truck so I could take it down. So he let me know he was about to move, and I went up to take the stuff off the roof. and he started driving off.. I was suddenly camper surfing! I dropped everything and ran to the ladder and held on. I had my phone in my pocket so I was able to call him..
“Peni!! I’m on the roof!”
“Yea, I’m on the roof, quit moving!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! My bad!”
I really love all the people I work with. Except for Creepy Moonbounce Guy. I’m glad he’s gone.
To elaborate on my last post…The rest of how I got here.
The circus found me. It was literally two days after I had graduated college, and I got a phone call from a friend I had done gymnastics with and went to school with several years ago. She had been involved in the circus for many years, and she ended up calling me to see if I wanted to come try it. That was nearly four years ago- obviously I was hooked.
I talked before about having no anchors. I left out one big anchor that life had thrown at me.
I often get asked about my love life. “It must be hard to have a relationship on the road and blah blah blah..”
It is hard, which is why I am single. Not that I can’t handle a tough situation, but I can only handle a tough situation when it is still right.
I loved somebody once. A lot. We would run together, play Frisbee, go on adventures around the lakes.. It was just like that movie kinda love.. The kind you know is too good to be true. The kind that hits you when you least expect it, stops you dead in your tracks. We had a lot of fun together, and he was a big part of my life. I was used to him being gone because while I was in school he toured frequently with his band. He was so supportive of me when I told him I wanted to try this circus thing. For a little while, it worked. But it didn’t take long for us to start growing apart, changing. Right before I went to work in Australia everything just started to unravel. I knew it was coming to a point that I could either be in a relationship with someone I loved for so long, or I could keep up this nomad lifestyle. I think it’s obvious which decision I made.
How can you do that? Let go of someone you supposedly cared for that much? There’s a lot of other factors involved that I won’t go into detail on. I was so sure it could work.. It just required a lot of honesty and dedication, and we were both tired. My schedule was nonstop crazy.. Depending on which time zones/ parts of the world we were in, phone calls became a hassle, and in a lot of cases useless. For two people who had pretty much lived together, we had somehow become strangers. It was definitely one of the hardest things I have gone through. One of the last things he told me was that I was doing great things, he was proud of me, and that I should live my life. And that was the end of it. We tried to stay friends but it became obvious real quick that that wasn’t going to work either.
I miss him all the time, and I wish him all the best in his life, and I don’t regret my decision. I know we wouldn’t be happy now if we would have tried to force it, and I know I would always wonder what my life would have been if I had never left. It was a growing experience. We learned from each other, and even though the end was rough, I have nothing bad to say about him. I am thankful for the relationship, experiences, and memories.
I have sat back and watched the ability people have to be total shit heads. In being single for so long now, I have observed several other people’s situations, and nobody really surprises me any more. I think honesty is a virtue many people have forgotten, and I think it’s getting harder to believe people.
My life is fast paced and typically chaotic. I have never settled for anything less than what I truly want. I don’t have the time, patience or will power to deal with any unnecessary stress. Unless I jive with someone completely, I have no interest in wasting my time or theirs.
So there is the real, long winded answer to that question. Not just the “I’m waiting for Spider- Man, duh” answer. Which, by the way, is another question I get asked.. Why Spider- Man? Because he’s kind of a loner, he’s got some pretty neat free running moves, and have you seen how he gets from one place to another? Plus, he can make costumes. Which I suck at.
I suppose it’s best to start off with an introduction.. I’m Stef. I’m a former gymnast and current aerialist in a three ring traveling circus. Here’s something you might never guess.. I also have a Bachelor’s of Science. Fairly often I get asked “Well what are you doing in the circus if you have a Bachelor’s of Science?”
Because I hated it. I hate the routine, I hate the schedules, I hate the mundane-ness of every day life.
For years I went to school, went to work.. and as soon as I got home all I wanted to do was sleep but I couldn’t, because I wasn’t physically tired from just sitting on my ass all day. Work from 7:30- 3:30, school from 5-9, Monday through Friday. After I graduated from high school all I wanted to do was get a job working on a cruise ship, or to be a flight attendant.. Anything that took me places. But I was raised where not going to college wasn’t really an option. So I did it. I hated it, and every day I had to resist not smashing my head into a wall, and I have no idea how, but I finished. Every night when I was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I would think to myself.. There’s got to be more to life than this. This can’t be what people were meant for. Wake up to an alarm clock when you’re still sleepy, sit mindlessly in traffic, go to a job you don’t dislike, but you don’t like it either… rinse and repeat until death by boredom.
I was told on more than one occasion that I have a naive perception of how life works. That was back then when I was “Hi, I’m Stef and one day I’m gonna get paid to travel the world!” I fucking meant it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, and I didn’t really have a plan. All I knew was what I didn’t want, and I stayed very far away from it. Apartment/ house, car, kids= anchor. I knew I didn’t want any anchors.
So there’s a bit of background.
I think so far the funniest thing I have seen this year is one of the prop guys getting pushed home in a buggy from the Las Vegas strip on New Year’s. And I have barfed more this year than I have in probably the last four years combined.